Gods and Frogs, Oh My! - Crymsyn Hart
From lyd's Dark Fantasy
One naked god, a breast-obsessed frog, and three snake-haired goddesses trying to take over the world! What's a witch to do?
Strange things have been happening to Kalliope of late. Every time she sneezes she is overcome with wanton flashes of lust. Her entire being craves to be taken by anything male. To aid her in her “sickness” her always naked god lover, Lugh, indulges her. Right as he is in the middle of worshiping her, Kalliope’s debt to Lugh’s grandfather is called in to be repaid.
Taking some cold medicine to ward off the lust fevers, she goes before Dagda only to discover he leant her out to Mt. Olympus. Not happy with being loaned out, Kalliope heads off with her newly conjured breast-obsessed bullfrog familiar. Zeus charges her with saving the world from The Furies, three serpent-headed cowgirls who want to enslave humanity by making them eat bean curd and kidnapping all the CEO’s of every fast food restaurant in the world.
As her journey continues, she meets Apollo. By this time, her cold medicine is wearing off and Apollo is looking like a piece of prime Greek god hunk. Will Kalliope be able to control her lust? Will Lugh find out about her indiscretions with his long time friend and fellow sun god? Will Kalliope get a chance to save the world or will death keep her from it?
ISBN: 978-1-60054-352-4 - ebook
ISBN: 987-1-60054-353-1 Print
Length: 64,500 Words
Genre: Erotic Romance/Comedy.Fantasy
Category: Dark Fantasy / Fairy Tales and Love Songs
Rating: Shooting Star
“Are you thinking about the orange penis you conjured again?”
Kalliope turned from the window and looked at Morgaine. She was petite, hardly more than five two, with long, dark hair and piercing green eyes. Those eyes held a lot of wisdom Kalliope was trying to learn. She had met the sorceress when her coven sisters brought her over to the apartment. Morgaine had been disguised as the Goth chick from hell. After the circle, Kalliope had lost a batch of candles due to some unknown explosion. She was still scraping bits of wax off the ceiling from that night. Once the sorceress had helped her hone her magick, they had become fast friends. “What? No! I was not thinking about Lugh,” she replied.
“I didn’t ask you about Lugh. See! You’re not paying attention to me again!”
“I was too—I-I was just thinking. Did you ask me about an orange? I thought you were showing me astrology.”
Morgaine threw up her hands. “I’m trying, but you’re still discovering ways at being a magickal pain in my ass.”
“I can’t help it if my brain doesn’t wrap around the movements of the planets. I’m lucky I passed Math 101 in college.” Kalliope studied the starcharts laid out on the table. They were gibberish to her. All the lines, mapping the constellations and planets, appeared to be some 3-D picture. When she was a kid, math was her worst subject. She was a whiz at making candles and crafts, which was how she made her living, but anything technical was way beyond her scope.
“None of this makes any sense. Why do I need to learn this again?” She swept her arm over the diagrams.
“Any good witch needs to know the movements of the stars, especially now that you’re a full fledged witch.”
Kalliope stared at Morgaine. Now that she was magickal, every imp, fairy, troll, etc. in the world was knocking on her door for something or other. Thank God she had an ex-goddess living with her to fend them off.
“Are the stars going to predict when I’m going to have some free time? Can they tell me when I’ll have time to do my hair again?”
Morgaine glanced at her. “Any dye job you get won’t cover up the red. You’re magickal now. Unless you want to do a glamour on your hair, it’s not going to change by any mortal means. Besides, the red looks good on you. I thought Lugh liked it.”
“Great. There goes all the hair dye I just bought. He does, but —”
“Oh no! It can’t be!” Morgaine’s finger traced over a line connecting two planets.
When Kalliope took a closer look, the map burst into flames. “I didn’t do it. I swear,” she said, fanning away the smoke away. The drawing was a complete loss. Nothing else on the table was touched.
“I know you didn’t. At least you’ve gotten past the point that whenever you cast spells something explodes.”
“What was that all about?”
Morgaine grabbed an oversized book and flipped through the brittle pages. She laid it flat on the table and ran her finger over an entry. The words rearranged themselves into English. She read the entry over the sorceress’s shoulder. A short paragraph told about the Furies, goddesses who were imprisoned in the Underworld. If unleashed, they spilled wrath on those who broke natural law. Underneath the entry was a picture of women with big bat wings, serpents for hair, and the feet of a dog. “Those chicks look real friendly. Who are they?”
Morgaine closed the book. “They’re bad news. That’s what. Nothing you have to worry about.”
“Why don’t we forget about the astrology for now and focus on your spell casting?”
“You know I hate to do spells.”
“What kind of a witch hates to do spells? What’s the point of you having magick? I give up!” The sorceress grabbed the book and walked out of the room. The air rippled where she disappeared. Probably back to her apartment in the real world. Kalliope went to follow.
Kalliope turned to the familiar voice to find Lugh, naked as usual and very happy to see her. She giggled and thanked the gods for the fiery accident that drove Morgaine away and summoned the sun god.
“When will you ever cover that thing up?” she asked, forgetting about the debacle with her friend.
“You know you love it!” Lugh gave her one of his beaming smiles, almost blinding her. The god took her in his arms and kissed her. Once their lips touched, warmth flooded her system. Her toes curled. She had to pull away to keep from being overwhelmed. He put a whammy on her every time he caressed her. She had to concentrate not to tumble into an orgasm. She looked up at him, breathless, feeling flushed.
“You have got to stop doing that!”
“Doing what?” He innocently batted his eyes at her.
She hit him lightly on the chest, making the god smile even more. Before she knew it, Kalliope was falling and landing atop something luxuriously soft. When she looked around, she was surrounded by mounds of pillows. Lugh loved to wow her. Knowing him he had conjured them out of thin air. A shiver ran through her when her clothes vanished making her naked as well.
“You just love doing that to me, don’t you?”
“Oh yes,” he whispered against the curve of her neck. “And so much more.”
What am I going to do with you? she thought.
Anything you want, he answered.